


i will see your body bare (and still i will live here)

by gaystcr



Category: 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい | Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! (Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Found Family, Friendship, M/M, Self-Introspection, for beth!, mistletoinks bl/gl secret santa event 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28310646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaystcr/pseuds/gaystcr
Summary: Fujisaki shrugs. “And you’re not?” she says, taking a bite of her rice. “You’ve been working day and night on it. You’re handling work and this project - I think that’s fairly passionate.”“I’m not like others, though,” says Adachi, frowning. “Like you, or Kurosawa. I walk through my life as if I’m in a daze - it makes me… I don’t know. I feel like my star is dampened by light pollution. Do you know what I mean?”Adachi has insecurities about his passion not manifesting the same way as others and if he's deserving of the love and support everyone gives him, especially Kurosawa - whose light is so bright it is blinding. Reassurance, however, comes in the form of his friends and the man he loves. In the end - perhaps life isn't all about passion, after all.
Relationships: Adachi Kiyoshi/Kurosawa Yuichi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	i will see your body bare (and still i will live here)

**Author's Note:**

> dear beth! 
> 
> i hope you like the fic - excuse the short length, however i felt like it was most fitting for a present! i wanted to write a short and sweet little story that you can re-read easily if you so wish. seeing as how we spoke about cherry magic frequently and how it is one of your favourite shows, i decided to write something for this lovely show. very fitting, as it just ended (i still haven't watched the finale yet, but will soon!). the thing you said about living in a daze, and how you resonate with adachi so deeply touched me immensely because i can relate to a lot of it - and so this fic was born! i really hope you enjoy it, friend. it has been an absolute pleasure getting to know you 💛
> 
> as i am not japanese, feel free to correct me if i got any japanese culture things wrong! thank you all for bearing with me.
> 
> title is from mitski's [i will,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODPra5VxNLI) which is fitting because she is a) japanese-american, and b) it is one of the most kurodachi songs i have ever heard. give it a listen!

They’re only having dinner when it happens. 

Adachi’s getting used to Kurosawa being around. Recently, he’s been finding that he wants Kurosawa to accompany him home more and more after work, so they can walk back in comfortable silence as the soft sun dips into the horizon, a lone streetlight shining their way home. He’s only asked him once or twice, the words choking up in his throat whenever he had - but Kurosawa understands him, somehow. He waits for him after hours if Adachi’s the one who still has to get some work done, sitting in a chair beside him and peppering the silence with comments about their office or coworkers, frequent enough to make Adachi feel like he isn’t lonely, but not enough to distract him completely. Really - Adachi has noticed how good Kurosawa is at that. How he always knows which lines to toe and which to leave in the dust, chalked out to perfection. How he always knows what anyone needs, as if he’s the mind-reader - but Adachi knows he isn’t. Kurosawa is just an effortlessly  _ kind  _ person, with his sunshine smile directed at anyone who comes his way, a ready hand to help. Adachi’s still getting used to that force of attention being directed at  _ him _ \- and a lot of the time, he’s burning alive under it.

“What’s wrong?” asks Kurosawa, his eyebrows drawing together. He taps his chopsticks against Adachi’s bowl. “The food isn’t good?”

Adachi blinks at him, and gets up faster than he needs to, almost tipping his bowl over. “No!” he says. “No. The food is good - thank you for making it.”

Kurosawa’s mouth lifts up in a hint of a smile, and it’s already blinding. Adachi draws his eyes away, his cheeks heating up. “Is there anything wrong?” he asks, and Adachi shakes his head. He doesn’t know how to explain the barrage of thoughts racing through his head - he wishes they would stop, and he could be in the  _ moment _ . 

“There’s nothing wrong,” he says instead, “just thinking.”

“If you’re sure,” says Kurosawa, the skin above his eyebrows still creased. He reaches out towards Adachi. “Hold on, you have something here.”

His thumb swipes against Adachi’s mouth.  _ I worry about him, sometimes. He has so many thoughts in his head that I feel like he can’t speak freely. I wish he would talk to me about them someday.  _ Kurosawa smiles. “All gone,” he says, and turns back to his food.

Adachi glances at him - the line of his neck, the small crow’s feet that appear next to his eyes whenever he smiles, the kindness that radiates from his very posture. He wishes he could get the words out - but he doesn’t understand them himself. Most days, he still has trouble reminding himself that Kurosawa is his -  _ boyfriend _ , a word he can’t even begin to say out loud, and that he’s chosen him. Most days, he feels like he can’t begin to get on Kurosawa’s level - someone who’s filled with so much passion and experience. 

He shakes the thoughts away. For now, he’s with Kurosawa - which means that he pays attention to his food again, sitting side by side in comfortable silence with him. This is what Adachi feels like he’s yearned for all his life - perhaps not even in a romantic sense, but now that it’s there, it makes his heart flutter - but simply to have a companion, a partner who will walk with him on all of his paths, someone to be quiet with. 

Any further thought is cut through by the shrill ringtone of Kurosawa’s phone.

Adachi blinks at it as it vibrates on the table. “Aren’t you going to get that?” he asks, pointing at the phone. 

Kurosawa shakes his head, smiling. “I’m here with you, aren’t I?” he says, transferring some food onto Adachi’s plate without a second thought. “Other people can wait.”

Adachi’s cheeks heat up as he pushes his phone towards him. “No, no, you should take it!” he says, hurriedly shoving ramen into his mouth so he doesn’t have to say anything further. 

“If you’re sure,” says Kurosawa, accepting his phone. Adachi watches as Kurosawa accepts the call, cradling the phone between his head and his shoulder as he puts more food into Adachi’s bowl. “You should eat more - oh, hi! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today.”

Kurosawa’s smile brightens as his eyes scrunch into crescent moons, hearing the words of whoever it is on the other side of the line. “No, I’m eating right now. So, why did you call - how’s work going? I heard you got promoted!”

Adachi pokes at his ramen. For some reason, he doesn’t feel all too hungry anymore, stirring in his bowl and staring down at it like the answers of the world are contained inside of it. He tunes out the rest of the conversation, curling noodles around his chopsticks and trying to eat - because he knows Kurosawa will be worried if he doesn’t. It’s only when the call clicks off and Kurosawa puts his phone on the table with a small thud that Adachi blinks back into consciousness, turning his eyes up from the soggy ramen to rest on Kurosawa’s angled features instead. He seems like he’s going to be worried, so Adachi cuts in before that can happen.

“Who was it?” he asks, obediently eating the vegetables Kurosawa had transferred into his bowl a few minutes ago.

He waves a hand. “An old friend from university,” he answers, smile curling up at the corner of his mouth. “We studied for the admission exam together all throughout the last two years of school - so we’re close.”

Adachi tries to remember any friends he has from school or university. There’s only Tsuge - and they were only friends because they’d had to do a group project in university and neither of them had wanted to do it. They didn’t spend hours studying, either - enough to get fairly good grades, but there was no driving force behind it. Adachi has always been content with trucking along - living in a daze, as he calls it. But Kurosawa seems so clear cut with his life. “Oh,” he says, his stomach dropping. “University. Right.”

“He was just telling me about his promotion,” says Kurosawa, pouring Adachi a glass of water. “You should meet him sometime - I’ve told him all about you.”

Adachi’s eyes shoot up. “About me?” he echoes.

“Yes, about you,” says Kurosawa, that blinding smile of his coming out again. “Do you want to watch a movie before going to bed?”

Adachi thinks it over - sitting on the couch with Kurosawa mere centimetres away, tucked up into a blanket as the night stretches long, comfortable silence apart from the low hum of the television… he smiles at Kurosawa, even if his stomach is still at his feet. “Yeah,” he says. “I’d like that.”

* * *

“Tsuge, I need your help.”

Tsuge blinks up from his paper at him. Adachi knows he looks a bit crazy - even to Tsuge, considering the fact that he’s been pacing around the room in a panic for the past ten minutes. It’s one of those days where Kurosawa had a bit more work to do than expected, telling him to head home and that they’ll see each other on the weekend. Before he’d left, Kurosawa had held his hand, squeezed it like a promise. His hand still burns where he’d touched him. Adachi’s gaze shifts from the floor back up to Tsuge. 

“You need my help?” repeats Tsuge, cocking an eyebrow. 

Adachi rolls his eyes at him. “Well, we’re friends, aren’t we?” he says, and then mutters to himself, “Besides, it seems like you’ve got things figured out with Minato-kun.”

“Did Kurosawa do something?” asks Tsuge, pushing his papers aside. Ever since he’d gotten together with Minato-kun, he’s gotten… happier. Not too quick to jump to things, not so fast to take off running whenever anything happened. Adachi glances around the apartment, books strewn about as always - and smiles. His best friend still has this chaos about him, but he seems lighter. Perhaps like Adachi himself. 

He blinks back and shakes his head vigorously. “No!” he says, and then collects himself. “No, Kurosawa didn’t do anything. I just have a question.”

“You haven’t asked me for my help in ages,” says Tsuge, pushing his glasses up against his nose. “Tell me, then. We’ve established that I’m wiser.”

Adachi ignores the last comment and fiddles with the hem of his shirt. “Do you know why we never tried harder in university?”

“I always thought we tried hard enough,” says Tsuge, shrugging. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing,” says Adachi automatically, then sighs. Tsuge is his best friend, someone he’s known since university, and he shows up to his house at ungodly times of night to spill his frustrations - so why can’t Adachi do the same? He swallows, thinking, and then says carefully, “Kurosawa was talking to a friend from university the other day. He’d just gotten a promotion, or something. He mentioned how they were close because they spent a lot of time studying for the admission exams.”

“What’s so wrong with that? So he studied with his friends - big deal.”

Adachi scrunches his eyebrows. “It’s just - maybe I’m being silly,” he says, turning away from Tsuge. “I feel bad. I don’t - I don’t know if I’m on his level? He’s had so much experience and he’s so… passionate about everything. Sometimes I just feel like I’m living in a daze - but he’s just so clear cut about everything.”

Tsuge hums. For a moment, there is silence through the apartment. While Adachi and Tsuge come to each other for advice more often than not - for years it seemed like all they would ever have is each other - he sometimes finds it difficult to put words to the thoughts rushing through his mind. Adachi has never been the best with words, but Tsuge has always managed to read his silences. “Well, how do you feel about him?” he asks finally, clearing his throat.

“What does that have to do with anything?” asks Adachi, cocking his head to the side. Maybe Tsuge knows better. He  _ is  _ the master of romance, after all, or of writing romance novels at least.

“I mean…” starts Tsuge slowly. “It’s not like you’re the only person in the relationship, right? He wanted to be with you for a reason. I don’t think he cares about… your lack of experience or anything.”

“It’s not even that, I don’t think,” says Adachi, waving a hand to express his frustration in trying to explain the beat of his heart. “He’s just so - perfect, sometimes. I know he’s not, but he’s so passionate - and I’m not. Am I holding him back?”

“No,” comes the immediate response. Tsuge levels his eyes with him, sharp for once. Adachi doesn’t think he’s ever seen him this serious before. “He likes you for a reason, right? Or else he wouldn’t have - decided to be with you. And who says you’re not passionate? What does it matter if you don’t have anything you’re really  _ pursuing _ ? You’re still you, and you… deserve good things. Don’t be so mean to yourself.”

Adachi blinks at him, something like light flooding through his veins. “How do you know all that?”

Tsuge shrugs. “I write romance novels,” he says, smile tugging up at the corner of his mouth. “What did you call me before? A master of romance?”

Adachi rolls his eyes as Tsuge laughs. “Your wisdom didn’t hold out too long now, did it?” he says, sitting down in a chair next to his desk. 

Tsuge draws the papers back to himself. “It lasted long enough,” he says. “Maybe you should talk to him about it, or something.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it,” says Adachi, humming. “Anyway, do you want to talk about Minato-kun now? I know you’ve been itching to since I came here, I can see it in your eyes.”

“I thought you’d never notice,” says Tsuge, and leans forward to tell Adachi all about their latest date, how he can’t read minds anymore - which is enough for Adachi to know, but Tsuge is relentless - and how Minato-kun is having a dance competition next week that they all need to go to.

* * *

“That’s your favourite ice cream flavour?” asks Kurosawa, scrunching his eyes up like he’s trying to concentrate and remember it. Adachi looks down at his cone, the matcha ice cream trickling down the sides. He catches a drop with his tongue and looks back up at Kurosawa, nodding. 

“I like to try different ones every time,” he says, as they make their way down the small path into the middle of the city. The lights are on in every house they pass by, streaming light out onto the quiet street, a passing car rumbling by every once in a while. Adachi has always liked walking around the city at night, looking at all of the lights in the houses. Ever since he was a child, he’s liked the comfort of knowing that other people lead lives of their own, maybe bumbling around and trying to just figure things out. A cool chill blows by, making him snuggle closer into his jacket. “But matcha is my favourite.”

“I’ll remember that,” says Kurosawa, and when Adachi turns to him, his eyes are crinkled into a smile. “Are you cold?”

Adachi starts to shake his head, but then another gust of wind blows by and he shivers, shuddering back into his jacket. He looks back at Kurosawa to see his brow furrow and unwrap his scarf from around his neck - the same one he had given to Adachi the first time they met, and the one he had washed carefully and returned back to him - and he tucks it in around the collar of Adachi’s coat, around his neck. Adachi hisses through his teeth and whispers, “Kurosawa - we’re in public…” almost out of reflex, before Kurosawa smiles at him and it doesn’t matter anymore - because his heart is beating hard in his chest and he can’t help but smile back. 

“Warm now?” he asks, stepping away. Adachi nods, and Kurosawa slips his hand down to reach for his hand, warmth spreading through from his fingers to Adachi’s skin. There’s something about holding Kurosawa’s hand - about the strength it gives him, the anchor tethered to the earth. Kurosawa has made him feel  _ safe  _ ever since they’d first met. “Let’s walk home?”

Adachi smiles, taking a quick lick of his ice cream. “Let’s,” he says, tugging at his hand. For a couple of minutes, they walk in comfortable silence, Kurosawa humming every once in a while as he points the hand wrapped around his ice cream cone at the city lights, Adachi quietly marvelling at the way they reflect off of Kurosawa’s face, painting him even kinder than he is normally. The more he comes into contact with Kurosawa, the easier it has become to block out his thoughts, unless he slips and his mind drifts. As he knocks shoulders with him, a thought eases its quiet way through the cracks. 

_ Ah. I’ve never been more content in my life to just eat ice cream and roam the town with someone. I think I could spend the rest of my life with Adachi just like this. Being by his side.  _

Adachi whips to Kurosawa, who’s still focused on the city. Something in his heart fills and overflows, demanding an attention he cannot place. He can’t believe Kurosawa - damn-near perfect Kurosawa, kind and sweet Kurosawa, passionate Kurosawa - could yearn for such a quiet life with him. It makes him shiver, tucking the scarf tighter around his neck. Adachi thinks his heart must expand to hold the fondness he possesses for Kurosawa - in the way that Adachi wants him to relax when he’s with him and stop being so perfect, like he needs to live up to any expectations. It makes him warm, however, to think of waking up every day and seeing him hustling about in the apartment, as much as he wouldn’t admit it. Adachi swallows, and his mind drifts back to something he’d seen today at work on the notice board.

“Hey,” he says quietly, looking up at the couple of blinking stars toughing it out against the light pollution. “I saw something on the board today.”

Kurosawa turns to him. “The planning competition?”

Adachi nods. “Yeah, the planning competition,” he says, swinging their shared hands. “I was thinking about giving it a go.”

Kurosawa’s eyes widen and his mouth curls into a beam. “Really?” he exclaims, too loud for the two of them. Adachi looks around, noting the people giving them confused looks. “That’s a great idea!”

“You really think so?” asks Adachi, unable to control the smile spreading across his face. “I - don’t know if I should. Competitions aren’t really my thing.”

“It doesn’t have to be your thing for you to take part,” says Kurosawa as they get closer to home, Adachi, spotting the apartment from up the road. He’d left the light on in the living room, it seems, shining out onto the street from above. “I think it would be good. You have great ideas, you know.”

Adachi looks up at him. “Really?” he says, swallowing. “I… don’t know. If I’m…  _ passionate  _ enough about something like this. I don’t have that same drive as you - as other people do.”

Kurosawa tightens his hold on his hand. “What are you talking about?” he says, incredulous. “You’re one of the most hardworking people I know, if not the most. I mean, how many days have you stayed late at the office covering other people’s work? And you always do your best. I just… I really think you should take part in this.”

“You really think I can do it?” says Adachi, and he knows his voice is trembling, just a little bit.

Kurosawa shrugs. “I think you can,” he says, and then squeezes his hand. “But really, it matters most what you think. You’ve got to believe in yourself.”

Adachi hums, and as he scoops his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door, he decides that Kurosawa has a point. Although it curls his stomach to think about the competition - putting himself out on the line like that… it’s still an opportunity.

He’ll take it - or try to, at least.

* * *

“Adachi-san!” calls Fujisaki from her table. She waves him over, smiling from ear to ear as he sits down opposite her, his tray clattering down against the table. He tucks his elbows in tight against himself as she says, “Where’s Kurosawa-san?”

Adachi waves a hand. “He has work to do today,” he says, and remembers fondly how Kurosawa had turned his mouth up when telling him about it this morning, pressing a bento box into his hands as a quiet apology. He opens it now to see the familiar rice amongst other things Kurosawa had gotten up to cook - Adachi had spent the night at his to discuss the ideas for the competition he’d scribbled down in his small notebook. “Where are your friends?”

“It’s their day off today,” she says, pointing at the rice. “A bento box? You don’t bring those to work often.”

Adachi laughs, his cheeks heating up. “No, Kurosawa made me this one,” he says, and she smiles, her eyes brightening.

“That’s so sweet,” she says. “So, you’ve moved in with him?”

Adachi almost chokes on his rice, shaking his head. “No, no! We were going over the plans for the competition, that’s all,” he says, taking a sip of the water Fujisaki offers, hiding a smile behind her hand that she thinks Adachi can’t see. 

As she brushes her hand against his when passing the water bottle to him, he catches a stray thought, even if he’s not trying to.  _ I’m happy for him,  _ she thinks, beaming at him.  _ He seems happier nowadays. Maybe it’s because of Kurosawa-san - or maybe it’s because he’s just becoming more himself, what with the competition and all. I know he will win. _

Adachi jerks his hand away, mulling over her words. Dread curls in his stomach as he thinks about the fact that the competition is drawing ever closer, and about how so many people have placed their expectations in him. He swallows as Fujisaki asks, “How is that going, then? Did he provide any kind of insight?”

“Uh, yeah,” he says, fiddling with his tray. Fujisaki’s eyebrows furrow into a frown.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, cocking her head, a concerned look passing over her features. “Are you having trouble with the planning? We can go over it - “

“It’s not that,” says Adachi, clenching his hands into small fists and opening them up again. Fujisaki is kind as she is pragmatic, and Adachi knows she’ll give him a plan of attack if he needs it. “It’s more… well. I don’t know if I can do it, really. I mean - I’m  _ doing  _ it, but there’s so many… expectations. And I saw what the others are doing. They’re just - so passionate about it?”

Fujisaki shrugs. “And you’re not?” she says, taking a bite of her rice. “You’ve been working day and night on it. You’re handling work and this project - I think that’s fairly passionate.”

“I’m not like others, though,” says Adachi, frowning. “Like you, or Kurosawa. I walk through my life as if I’m in a daze - it makes me… I don’t know. I feel like my star is dampened by light pollution. Do you know what I mean?”

Fujisaki looks at him for a second, like she’s seeing something in him for the first time, and nods. “I think I get it,” she says slowly. “Your star shines, though. I see it. So do so many other people. You don’t have to be this perfect, one hundred percent passionate and motivated person to be - well. There are other things to life, you know?”

His frown deepens. “What do you mean?”

“There are just… other things,” says Fujisaki, gesturing at nothing in particular. Adachi watches as she tries to sort out the words in her mind, refraining from touching her - she deserves this privacy. “I think there are more important things than passion and drive. I mean, of course it’s nice to have this will to do something, but - well, there’s much more to life. Adachi-san… you don’t have to be burningly passionate to be kind.”

Adachi blinks at her. He thinks - maybe Fujisaki is the kind one here. He digs around in his rice, clearing his throat. “I don’t deserve the support you all give me,” he says quietly. Fujisaki smiles at him.

“It’s not about being deserving,” she says, her voice as soft as always. “It’s just because you’re you.”

Adachi swallows around the lump in his throat, suffocating under the force of it. Fujisaki seems to notice and continues smiling at him, continuing with, “Anyway, let’s talk about something else. You can tell me about your competition plans if you want - I’ll weigh in with my two cents. Actually, what I wanted to ask you about… how are you going to Minato’s dance competition?”

“Oh, Kurosawa and I will go together,” he says, relieved for a change in topic. As Fujisaki continues telling him about her day at the office as well as her opinion on Adachi’s ideas for the competition, a soft light settles in Adachi’s heart. Fujisaki is kind, sweet, someone who does her all for her friends and prioritises them above everything in her life. In many ways - they are similar. Content with what they have, happy enough to come to work every day and spend their thirty minute break sitting in comfortable silence with each other. 

Fujisaki seems much more certain of her place in the world. Adachi knows that she cooks, sometimes, and brings food to her friends at work. He also knows that she puts careful attention into everything she does, going over Adachi’s plans with a trained eye and a smile. She seems to know what she’s here for, what her purpose is, and even if she might not have a burning passion like anyone else - she’s content with herself. 

Maybe, Adachi thinks, one day he could feel like that too.

* * *

“Here you go,” says Kurosawa, passing him the rice porridge. “What do you want to do today?”

Adachi shrugs as he dips his spoon into the porridge and takes a bite. “Maybe we could go for a walk?” he suggests, and then presses a hand to his forehead. “I forgot I have to work on my plans - maybe in the evening?”

Kurosawa nods, smiling. “Sure,” he says, taking a sip of water. “Oh, if you need my help, just let me know, okay? If not, then I have some work to do, too, maybe we can sit together and get it done.”

Adachi’s heart grows warm at the thought of sitting on the floor with Kurosawa, shoulder-to-shoulder in comfortable silence, sipping tea every once in a while. Maybe they can go out for a walk during the sunset, watch it reflect in the water and paint the sky a warm shade of orange as Adachi works up the courage to hold Kurosawa’s hand. He nods, and says, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

His answering smile is as warm as always, sweetened by the crinkles next to his eyes. “You know,” he says slowly, “I’m really proud of you for doing this competition. You know that, right?”

Adachi flusters under his gaze. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “I know.” 

Kurosawa beams. “I mean - you’re putting in so much hard work and effort into it. No matter what expectations people are putting on you… I just - it’s nice to see you let yourself try new things.”

“I don’t have the same passion as you, though,” says Adachi absentmindedly, spooning more of the rice porridge into his mouth. When he looks up, he finds Kurosawa staring at him with a kind of intensity he’s barely seen on him before. “What’s wrong?”

“You do have passion,” says Kurosawa, firmly, putting his food to the side. “You have so much of it. It’s - in the little things. For example - look at this competition. You’ve been staying up to work out the plans. And your dedication to trying new things, even when they make you uncomfortable sometimes. That’s passion, isn’t it?”

Adachi blinks at his words. “Um,” he says, scratching his head. “I suppose?”

“Besides, passion doesn’t stay forever. You’ll find your way, even if your way is living in a daze. You still do good things, kind things, and you still work  _ hard _ ,” says Kurosawa, staring at him as if he wants to prove something. “That’s what matters. The fact that you’re good to people, and you’ve slowly come out of your comfort zone. I mean, you remember when you stood up for Tsuge to Minato-kun’s friend? That takes - bravery. Okay, maybe you’re not the most passionate in the world, you can believe that. But you are kind, and you’ve… grown.”

Light floods Adachi’s chest, tilting up a corner of his mouth. He looks at Kurosawa in the morning light, casting his features anew - all soft and washed out. Still, something clutches at his heart. “I… okay, let me be honest. Sometimes - I feel like you’re so… confident. And passionate. And you’re not perfect, you let that façade down around me, which I appreciate - because you don’t have to put on an act for me. But I still sometimes feel like I’m not on your level.”

He immediately trains his eyes on the grain of the wood table after he says that, biting his tongue. Kurosawa reaches out, his hands coming into his vision - but he flinches back. He doesn’t need to read Kurosawa’s mind right now. They are not for him to know. He looks up instead, and Kurosawa is looking at him with such softness in his eyes that he almost feels the need to turn away immediately. “That’s not true,” he says, quietly. “This is because of my friend who got the promotion, right?”

Adachi clears his throat. “Well, it’s not  _ solely _ because of him,” he says. “I mean - I sort of… have had this feeling for a while. But I suppose it became more conscious because of that.”

Kurosawa’s stare turns into more of a look - a little melancholy, if anything. After a moment, he says, “I’ve liked you for so long. You know why? Because you’re just - kind, Adachi. You’re you. And maybe you think you aren’t deserving of that love, maybe you think that you’re not on  _ my level _ , but that’s not the point. I like you - that’s all there is to it. I would stay by your side forever if I could - it’s… enough to me to simply see you happy. It’s not about deserving at all - I would just… do anything for you. Whether you think it’s warranted or not.”

The light swoops deep through Adachi’s bones and he ends up beaming at Kurosawa. For some reason, those words echo through his body, keeping him tucked in and safe. “I can’t believe you, sometimes,” he says, and Kurosawa laughs, taking his hand in his.  _ I like him a lot.  _ Adachi smiles back, and says, “You know I like you a lot, right?”

Kurosawa blinks, and the crinkles around his eyes come out again. “Yeah,” he says, his smile taking on a more mischievous note. “I figured.”

As the sun settles into her position in the high sky and Kurosawa and Adachi spend the rest of their breakfast sitting opposite each other in a silence that wraps itself around them with gentleness, Adachi realises that - no matter what he thinks, he’ll always have the support of the people around him. Maybe in the way Fujisaki calmly rationalises his worries, or how Tsuge knows him deep to the bone and cuts through his anxieties before he even realises them himself. Or maybe in the way Kurosawa shows up, every day, even if Adachi still thinks he isn’t on his level in some way. 

But it doesn’t matter. Because after all this time, and all this worrying, he’s finally realised one thing. As long as he spends the rest of his life surrounded by his friends - and his  _ boyfriend _ … maybe one day, he could finally believe that he is as much deserving of this as anyone else, even if it’s not always about that. 

“Minato-kun’s competition is tomorrow, right?” asks Kurosawa, pointing his chopsticks at him. 

“Yeah,” says Adachi, smiling. “I made a poster.” 

Adachi  _ loves _ , beyond all. Perhaps that’s all the passion he needs to last a lifetime. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! you can find me on [tumblr](https://petekaos.tumblr.com) or [twitter.](https://twitter.com/rachatrakuls) go follow beth [here!](https://bethd0456.tumblr.com)


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